Seeking to Protect Her Soul
by FearGirl
Summary: Edward comes back three months after he leaves Bella in New Moon. He decides to beg for her forgiveness.
1. Chapter 1

**Seeking to Protect Her Soul**

disclaimer: i only _wish_ i owned the cullens

epov

I felt a very human feeling at that moment as I paced outside... _her_ house. My intestines felt as though they were being twisted into anxious bundles, ready to rip each other apart._ How appropriate. _I think, _human feelings... here._ The moon lay low in the sky, and I saw the reflection of it in her window. I imagined how she must look with the faint light cascading over her sleeping form. I tried to remember her delicious scent. I can only faintly smell it from here; and I must say, my memories didn't do it justice. Lingering on the thought of her pulse, venom coats my incisors.

God! Stay or go? Stay or go? My pacing reflected my thoughts as the gravel crunched lightly under my shoes.

I had been gone too long. Living day to day in my self inflicted hell. I thought I could handle being away from her forever, if that meant I could keep her safe and happy for as long as she lived. _Selfish. Selfish. She was in LOVE with you! You pathetic excuse for a man! _Always; this constant battle in my mind. What is right? Was right giving Bella what she wanted or needed? The lines blurred more and more every second I spent apart from her. Maybe she needed me? _No, she could never need you. Your are something out of a horror film, not someone fit to make her happy, and definitely not fit to keep her safe._ But I always doubted myself, on both sides of the argument.

I was still fighting my own inner monologues when I realized there was a reason for me coming here tonight. My actions, I knew, had manifested themselves through my actions. I needed her, and so what if I was selfish? She could choose to take me back or not. I was leaving it all up to her. _God, I hope she takes me back._

Before I could stop myself, I leapt lithely to the sill of her window and prayed that it was open. Once it budged the first inch, I knew it was unlocked and I slipped quietly inside. Her scent hit me like a brick wall. She smelled so much better than I ever remembered- my instincts told me to kill, but I was confident that I wouldn't. Couldn't. I knew that in a back part of my brain somewhere I deluded myself into thinking she didn't lock the window in the hopes I would do something like this. She knew me too well... I knew it was stupid of me to think so, but I couldn't help imagining that her love for me still lingered.

I quickly sat in the rocking chair before allowing myself to look at her. I needed to brace myself, for I knew that the sight of her would be more over powering than her blood. I needed to keep a cool head in the event that she had moved on and found someone else. I could not let her see my grief, I would not mar this chance at a happy existence for her. Tonight I will give her what she asks of me. If it is to leave, I will. For good. And if she asks me to stay; she will never leave my sight.

I open my eyes, to finally gaze on my beloved. My one and only, my guiding star, my beacon, my Bella.

I audibly gasped. She was so... pale. Her eyes had dark circles under them, suggesting lack of sleep. And to prove it, she was tossing and turning ever so slightly; face scrunched in fear and pain. On top of that she was also terribly thin and when I inhaled more deeply, I could smell that she hadn't eaten in a while.

Dear God, what the hell did I do? This was not part of my plan. I was expecting... well, I didn't really know what to expect. But this wasn't it. I guess I expected a tear stained pillow and some angsty songs on her playlist, but i figured she would move on from me. That once she saw everything in a clear light she could say, "he was just a stupid vampire who tricked me". Better that she hated me than for her life to be in danger or her soul to be damned.

Her tossing became more pronounced and she started to mumble so quietly, that I couldn't make it out. So I got off the rocking chair and kneeled next to her bed that I had lain on so many times before: watching her sleep, as I was doing now. Except now I was worried and didn't even want to know if I wanted to know the things she would say in her sleep.

She thrashed about some more and now I could clearly hear what she said. Each word cutting me like hot knives.

"You don't love me, Edward?" she whimpered and a tear slid down her sallow cheek.

I knew she was dreaming about the last time she saw me and I wished to God that I could go back to that day and take away all of her pain.

"You do exist! You always will!" She almost yelled into the darkness, not knowing I was watching her. Not knowing how truly and deeply I loved her. I am the lowest thing in existence. This beautiful, warm, sweet, and innocent girl loved me and I betrayed her. Seeking to protect her soul, I had permanently damaged her heart.

"I love you" she sobbed. "come back", more tears, "please" , this last word hung in the air in a whisper and I knew what I had to do. Beg.

_Here it goes. _I let my hands ghost carefully across the blankets from my kneeling position. Once they reached her face, I carefully wiped away the salty stains from her soft cheeks. The contact sent electricity through my entire being making me shudder, it had been too long since i had touched her delicate skin. Frail and suffering or not; my Bella was the most beautiful thing in the world. I heard her heart accelerate and knew she had felt the shock from our contact as well. Her eyes slowly opened, coated with wetness that only enhanced the beauty of her deep chocolate eyes.

"Bella", I breathed, my hands still resting on her cheeks. Finally relieved to speak her name.

**tell me if you guys want more. i sort of have an entire story plotted out, suggestions are much appreciated. thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**author's note****: I'm not a review whore. But I honestly love criticisms. If you have any, PLEASE give them. I want to be a better author. thank you!**

disclaimer; twilight = not mine

bpov

"you exist! you always will!", I uselessly screamed at my dream Edward. "I love you, Edward.", I blubbered. I particularly hated this dream. The forest nightmare. The breakup nightmare. It hurt just as horribly as that day. How could I forget about him when he would not leave my dreams alone? He was, in a sense, with me for eight hours a night. Even if in the worst of situations. His eyes cold and unloving. But something strange happened, my dream Edward, instead of running off into the woods, as is his nightly custom; approached me and wiped away my tears. The sensation of his cool hands overwhelmed me and sent a shock through my system. The same shock I had felt in Biology not so long ago. This was no dream, at least not this touch, it felt too real- the coolness, too tangible. With great effort, I managed to pull myself out of the forest and back into my room. The curtain of my heavy damp lids was pulled back and I almost fainted at what I saw.

Better than any dream. More real and tangible than myself. And staring at me with pained eyes, was Him. My Edward. Well, not _my_ Edward anymore; but I can pretend and he can't read my thoughts anyway. I opened my mouth to speak, but his hands that were still on my cheeks motioned for me not to.

He simply stared at me for an unmeasurable amount of time as he prepared himself to speak; sorrow etched on his face. He must be disappointed that he was still in my dreams, that he couldn't erase my memory, that I would always reach out to him in my unconscious state. Maybe he was here to kill me. So I wouldn't be a threat to his family, he might think that sooner or later I would tell their secret. But of course all of these ideas were just errant thoughts I was rummaging through to try and justify his reasoning. Not to mention, I was still half asleep.

I figured I would let him say his piece. There was no other time in the world where I felt more stupid than when I assumed Edward was taking me away from Forks. Taking me away so we could be together. Only to reveal his true feelings for me in the forest.

So instead of jumping to my own conclusions, I would hear whatever he came here to say. Or do. My mind somehow lingered on the killing me idea. His beauty was so distracting, even in the absence of light, he still seemed to glow. I had forgotten how truly magnificent he was; even with his apparent grief. I suddenly became aware of how terrible I must look, I knew that Charlie and everyone at school was worried about my health due to my pallid appearance and sunken eyes. I never felt like eating anymore, and sleeping was difficult to do when I knew what would await me. I blushed, obviously embarrassed by my sallow state. At my blush, a small smile stole across his perfect mouth and his thumbs caressed my cheeks again; he looked wistful. His mouth opened ever so slightly, drawing in breath; preparing to speak. I waited. I wasn't about to halt his touches, I had needed them so badly, I suddenly realized I sounded like a drug addict. He was my heroin, not the other way around. He said nothing. His actions repeated several more times: The caress, then the intake and then silence. My brows furrowed, tired of waiting I almost began drawing more conclusions.

He must have noticed my impatient stare because he swiftly dropped his hands and sank lowly to the floor. Silent once again and still staring at me with his molten butterscotch eyes. I noticed that his pose was submissive, his face repentant and filled with sorrow, but mostly love.

He was here to beg.

It all made sense now. He didn't say it, and to hell with conclusions! I was right.

He was sorry that he had left me and realized his mistake. He loved me as I loved him! Eternally.

He started to speak again, his voice shaky and rough; the words actually made it out this time and his voice was pleading, "Bella, I am so sorry, my darling, my angel, my light, my life! I am even more of a monster than I thought possible, and i swear to you that-"

But I put my finger on his lips to silence him as sat I upright on my bed dropping my feet down to the floor on either side of his beseeching knees. His face displayed utter shock, probably thinking I was shushing him because I didn't want to hear it. Well... I didn't want to hear it, not now anyway. His words confirmed my suspicions and suddenly everything was right with the world. I felt whole again. Hell, I felt downright giddy.

"Edward," I smiled. rejoicing at the sound of my voice speaking his name. His beautiful name. I removed my finger from his lips and giggled slightly at his expression. I leaned my face in closer to his until our foreheads were almost touching, my hands gently cupped the back of his neck. "You don't need to say anything. I forgive you. I love you. But could you ever forgive me for not believing in you and in me, for believing the lie and not the truth?" I realized that I only made it too easy for him to walk away and should shoulder some of the blame. I searched his face for a reply. No sooner had I looked then felt my back against the mattress and Edward's slight and cool form hovering above me. His smile was ecstatic, "Of course Bella! You have nothing to be sorry for, except for the fact you have the worst boyfriend on the planet. I am such an arrogant, masochistic, controlling-"

I silenced him again with my entire hand this time. "Don't. Edward," I blushed, "Edward... will you, um, kiss me, please." I was barely able to get the sentence out. No sooner had I said please then I felt his sweet icy lips ensnare my own, roughly and tenderly at the same time.

"I have lived without your lips for too long, Miss Swan." he murmured against my neck passionately once I resurfaced for air.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, "will you sing me to sleep? I am REALLY tired." I grinned.

He smiled up at me and soon I was in my most favorite place in the world: Edward's arms. I quickly fell into a peaceful sleep. I knew nothing more needed to be said, sure Edward would definitely flip once he read Charlie's mind seeing me in zombie mode, and would emotionally punish himself for a few days at most. But I was fine now. I was whole. My other half had returned with my heart, and the soul that he so desperately wanted to protect. His actions were all well intended, and since he came back because he wanted to give me what I wanted; I resolved to give him something he wanted fiercely...

**hope it wasn't a waste of your time!**

**suggestions, please! i like it when these stories are a group effort.**


End file.
